{"id":72,"date":"2014-11-19T15:36:06","date_gmt":"2014-11-19T22:36:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/siobhter.com\/blog\/?p=72"},"modified":"2014-11-19T15:36:06","modified_gmt":"2014-11-19T22:36:06","slug":"why-i-stayed-pt6","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.siobhter.com\/blog\/index.php\/2014\/11\/19\/why-i-stayed-pt6\/","title":{"rendered":"Why I Stayed – Part 6"},"content":{"rendered":"

I drove down the street and tried to figure out what to say. Her eyes were squinted part way closed and her lips were pursed together hard enough to displace their pink color. She was breathing hard\u00a0and puffs of air came out of her nose like a cartoon bull about to charge.<\/p>\n

\u201cNic-,\u201d I started to say.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d she interrupted. \u201cJust. Drive.\u201d<\/p>\n

I reached the stop sign at the open end of our cul-de-sac. The street where Nicole and I had spent our entire lives was displayed in the rear view mirror like a photograph. Every house was the same basic shape, different only in color and condition. The entire neighborhood was provided by the Falling Star mine as housing for men that came home from World War II and found\u00a0work in the mines and smelters. Most of the mining in our area stopped when I was a baby and none of the people in our neighborhood were miners anymore. My dad was a salesman for a local company that sold\u00a0trailers made for hauling 4-wheelers and snowmobiles behind your pickup. Nicole\u2019s dad was one of the last people on the street still working for the mine. After the last silver and zinc was mined and smelted, the mine workers\u00a0were laid off. Tim Miller was hired back as a security guard. He patrolled the old mine properties around town, protecting the dilapidated buildings from teenagers and vagrants. Neither Nicole or I had much money growing up but we were never hungry and got most of our clothes from the department store.<\/p>\n

I flicked on my left blinker and drove out of the Silver Hills housing development and headed toward the highway that cut through town. Until fifth grade, the highway was part of Interstate and people passing through town had to make their way through Kiln Valley, stopping at every stop light. A new freeway was built that carried traffic on an elevated path around the edge of town. With interstate traffic gone, the highway was never busy and made it a good way to get from one side of town to the other.<\/p>\n

As I made my way into downtown, the boarded up machine shops and empty lots gave way to an area the mayor liked to call \u201cThe Village.\u201d When mining ceased to be a valid enterprise, local businessmen decided to leverage the natural beauty of the area and built a ski resort. The Village was a section of downtown where tourists would come to buy boutique clothing, ski equipment, and jewelry patterned after Native American tribal designs. The name the locals used was \u201cThe Fur Trap\u201d referring to the tourists in fur-trimmed coats that spent money like it was nothing. Most of the shops were closed for the evening and the only signs of life came from the bars and restaurants.<\/p>\n

One bar called The Old Mill was a favorite for\u00a0fur-clad tourists to\u00a0mingle with the locals around tables of rough-hewn wood and decorations made from old, rusty milling and mining equipment. As we passed The Old Mill, Nicole moved for the first time. She craned her neck to peer into the enormous window. When the bar was behind us, she turned her head toward the windshield again and I could see that her face was no longer pinched in anger.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, I\u2019m sorry I couldn’t give you a ride home from school,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s cool, you said you had to pick up your mom,\u201d Nicole replied.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou seemed kind of upset, are you okay?\u201d<\/p>\n

Nicole took a deep breath and blew air up into her bangs to get the hair out of her eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cIn sixth period, I got a note from the office saying my mom was in the hospital. I tried to find you before seventh period to see if you wanted to play hooky and go visit her. By the time I got to your locker, you had already left. I hurried back after class to see if you wanted to give me a ride.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh Nic, I\u2019m sorry. Is she alright?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s going to be fine. After school, I walked to the hospital and she was just getting released.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat happened,\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cDad said he came home early from work to find mom had fallen down the stairs. He took her to the hospital and X-rays confirmed she broke her arm again,\u201d she said with a resigned tone. \u201cShe has a cast and she\u2019s supposed to take it easy for a while.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m glad she’s alright. Good thing your dad came home early.\u201d<\/p>\n

Nicole\u2019s mouth took a grim set again and I could see the muscles on the side of her jaw\u00a0stand out\u00a0as she clenched her teeth.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think Dad went to work today. I don\u2019t think mom fell down the stairs,\u201d she said in a flat voice.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are you saying, your dad pushed her?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPushed her or broke her arm himself.\u201d<\/p>\n

My family had always been aware of Tim Miller\u2019s temper. Every other night we could hear him raise his voice about something. I always thought it was weird, especially since my parents only raised their voices at contestants on The Wheel of Fortune. Every once in a while, Tim\u2019s shouting would be accompanied by crashing noises or the sound of breaking dishes. Sometimes days would go by and Louanne\u00a0Miller, Nicole\u2019s mom, would not leave the house. My parents had quiet discussions about it when they thought I couldn’t hear. Mom would try to convince my dad to call the police. Dad would always tell her it was none of our business. Nicole never said anything to me about it and I never had the guts to ask her.<\/p>\n

\u201cHave you,\u201d I started. \u201cHas your dad hurt your mom before? Has he hurt you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMom always sends me to my room when dad is \u2018in one of his moods,\u2019” she used air quotes around her mother’s words. “That\u2019s when I put my headphones on, turn up the volume and listen to music until I fall asleep. Sometimes I sneak out my window and sit on the roof, watching for you to come home from practice. When I’m really lonely, I sit on your porch swing.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo tonight, when I found you on the swing, you had sneaked out of your window again?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn’t have to tonight,\u201d Nicole said with a shake of her head. \u201cMy dad left during dinner. Mom had reheated some leftovers, since she can\u2019t cook very well with the cast on her arm. Dad said he didn’t like last night\u2019s dinner when it fresh. He put on his coat and said he was going out for dinner.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIs that why you looked in the window at The Old Mill?\u201d<\/p>\n

Nicole and looked down at her hands, which were balled into fists on her lap.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re almost to David\u2019s house, I only need to go in for a couple minutes. Did you want to come in?\u201d<\/p>\n

David was a friend of ours who had two claims to fame. One\u00a0was that he had the complete set of the first run of Magic cards, even the rare ones. The other\u00a0was his wispy mustache and early-onset male pattern baldness that made him look old enough to buy cigarettes and booze from the liquor store on the reservation. I gave him twenty dollars earlier that week to get a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of root beer schnapps to bring to the party.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy are we going to David\u2019s house,\u201d Nicole started to ask. \u201cOh, he made a run to the res for you didn’t he?\u201d<\/p>\n

I pulled into the gravel driveway in front of David\u2019s house and turned to smile at Nicole.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou coming in,\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cNah, say hi for me.\u201d<\/p>\n

I hopped out of the car, leaving it running so Nicole could stay warm and listen to the radio. I was about to knock on David’s front\u00a0door when it opened. David hurried out the door and closed it quickly behind him. While the door was open I could hear his mother yelling at him.<\/p>\n

\u201cGo to the car,\u201d David said through clenched teeth.<\/p>\n

I stood on David\u2019s porch in confusion while he hurried awkwardly down the steps. I noticed his arms were stiff and unmoving and the sleeves of his coat seemed to be stuffed full instead of hanging on his lanky frame like they normally did. He got to the back door behind Nicole and carefully tried to open the door. I began to make my way to the car just in time to see a carton of Marlboro reds fall out of his sleeve.<\/p>\n

\u201cFuck,\u201d David said as he stooped to pick them up.<\/p>\n

He grabbed the red and white box off of the gravel, sat down, and slammed his door shut. He looked sheepishly at the window to his mother\u2019s living room. The curtains were parted slightly to one side. A\u00a0small boy looked out and scowled at us.<\/p>\n

I climbed into the driver\u2019s seat and looked back at David. He was trying to pull a bottle of liquor out of the other arm of his coat.<\/p>\n

\u201cDude, drive,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

I backed out of his driveway and tried not to laugh. David pulled a second carton of smokes, this one menthols, out of his coat and then the bottle of root beer schnapps that I asked for.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat is all that,\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cMerchandise,\u201d answered David.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat the fuck are you talking about,\u201d Nicole inquired. For some reason I liked it when she used cuss words.<\/p>\n

\u201cLast weekend I went to a party with my brother. It was out at some hunting lodge and everyone ran out of smokes but nobody wanted to drive in to town so I could buy more. I figured if that happens tonight, I could sell packs of cigarettes and make a killing. Here,\u201d he said\u00a0and\u00a0tossed one of the red and white packs of cigarettes onto the bench seat beside me. \u201cThat one is yours.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis too,\u201d David said, setting the bottle of schnapps on the seat.<\/p>\n

Nicole rolled her eyes and put the bottle in the glove box.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo, where are we going? Where\u2019s the party?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUm,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

David looked incredulously at my reflection in the rear view mirror.<\/p>\n

\u201cAw, for fuck\u2019s sake. I wasn\u2019t supposed to come, was I? I was just your hookup for booze and smokes!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDave, I\u2019m sorry,\u201d I started to apologize.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhatever, just drop me off at my brother\u2019s apartment.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe party is at Jerrad\u2019s house. I\u2019m not really supposed to bring anyone.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s Nicole doing then? Is she going to wait in the car and drive you home after you hang out with the snobs?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJerrad said I could bring her.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFigures,\u201d David said.<\/p>\n

I was about to ask what that meant but we were pulling into the parking lot of the run down apartment complex where David\u2019s brother lived.<\/p>\n

David looked at me and then at Nicole. Then he grabbed the bottle of whiskey and opened his door.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m leaving the smokes, you can bring the money and whatever you don\u2019t sell to school on Monday,\u201d he said and stood up. Before he shut the door, he leaned in said, \u201cHave fun with the snobs.\u201d<\/p>\n

David shut the door and stormed up the walkway to the apartment complex. He arrived at the secure entry and swiped his hand across the buttons on the call box, ringing every buzzer in the building. A red light came on and the door buzzed loudly. David walked in without a look back and made for the staircase.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat was awkward,\u201d chided Nicole.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I told him I was going to a party and I needed a bottle and a pack of smokes. I didn\u2019t say he could come, but I guess I didn\u2019t say he couldn\u2019t either.\u201d<\/p>\n

I used an empty parking spot to turn around and made my way back to the highway. I backtracked towards downtown and turned left onto the road that led to Jerrad\u2019s neighborhood. Officially, the housing development perched on the hill above town was called \u201cPleasant View.\u201d Most of the kids I knew called it \u201cSnob Hill.\u201d When I was younger, my parents would drive up at Christmas to look at the lights and displays our affluent neighbors would put up. On Halloween, my dad would drop me and my friends off for trick-or-treating since it was the only place in town where you might actually get a full-size candy bar.<\/p>\n

One night in my first year on the varsity team, Jerrad\u2019s dad threw a barbecue for the players and their parents. I remember my dad whistling in awe when we pulled up to the address printed on the invitation. My mom put on a fresh coat of lipstick and checked her hair before we got out of the car and rang the ornate doorbell.<\/p>\n

I had not been back since but I found the house easily enough. It was on the highest part of the hill and as long as you were driving uphill, you would eventually come to the right street. Cars and trucks were parked haphazardly on either side of the road. Nicole and I drove past the driveway to see it also packed with vehicles. I kept going and found a spot down the road big enough to park the giant station wagon. I grabbed a couple packs of each type of cigarette and Nicole moved the schnapps bottle from the glove box to the pocket in the front of her hoodie. We got out of the car and I walked around to where she stood, looking warily at the house. Nicole had put her hands into her pocket to keep them warm and to hold on to the bottle of liquor.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis place huge,\u201d she said. \u201cAre you sure you want to go in?\u201d<\/p>\n

You could hear kids talking loudly and music thumped from the open front door. Every window leaked light into the dark pine trees around the house. A group of kids stood on the front lawn in a circle. Every few moments one of their faces would be illuminated by a lighter, then go dark, and then the next face would be lit up. Someone was coughing and someone else was laughing in a hoarse voice.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d I answered. \u201cBut I’ve come this far, might as well say hi.\u201d<\/p>\n

I started walking across the street and Nicole stalled a minute before following me.<\/p>\n

\"Creative<\/a>
\nWhy I Stayed by Joshua Kautzman<\/a> is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I drove down the street and tried to figure out what to say. Her eyes were squinted part way closed and her lips were pursed together hard enough to displace their pink color. She was breathing hard\u00a0and puffs of air came out of her nose like a cartoon bull about to charge. \u201cNic-,\u201d I started … <\/p>\n

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